Dating & Relationships

As most of you know, I have recently started the whole dating game. Let me tell you, it's not an easy one to play and the rules are not as cut & dry as in a regular game of Monopoly! Rob & I have been divorced three years and separated four, but having been married for 18 years, it has taken me awhile to get back on the pony so to speak! I waited three years before I even went out with anyone, to take time to sort through Shea's grief & feelings, as well as my own. Even though it was my choice and my decision to get our divorce, I still had struggles to get through. I am happy now, truly happy. However, being the honest, caring, loving person that I am does have it's drawbacks. It's been a difficult road trying to find that one that makes my heart beat fast...someone who I can picture the long haul of life with. I have met many, wonderful, kind men- some who I have gone on dates and had such a great time and still continue to see, some who I feel closer to and still have never physically even met, and then there are those very few who I pray will someday be "the one"- still not knowing where it's all leading to. It can be overwhelming and confusing to say the least...but I will continue to keep trying and searching. I have discovered that I can only be me...I can only be the person that God has blessed me to be and that is a woman of love, kindness, generosity, passion & patience- someone has got to see that someday, right? I can definitely say that it all brings back the feelings of that first kiss, that first time you hear that someone say that he likes you as much as you like him...as well as being hurt by someone that you truly have grown to care for and love. It's not easy all the time...but they say nothing worthwhile ever is.
I get an email daily from LifeScript/Dr. John H. Sklare and this really caught my attention today:

"Looking for love is tough for everyone and most of us are still looking for that special person. But if that little voice in your head is telling you that this is not the right person for you, pay attention. If the person you're with doesn't make you feel like you're the luckiest person on earth, they are not the right person! Life is too short to be in a mediocre relationship! If you find yourself in one of those relationships, why not make today the day you start improving that relationship or start moving on."

My Horoscope 10/26/06

I have never been one to believe in the horoscope...but I do usually read mine just for fun on a daily basis. I had to laugh at mine today because the way I have been feeling lately...it just hit it right on, perfect today!

Aquarius: February 4, 1964

Change has been powering it's way through your life, but some of the forces are just too subtle to even notice. Now you are reaching a turning point. Trust your innermost instincts over the logic of your rational mind. This isn't about statistical analysis or thinking about consequences of your actions. It's only about following your heart.

EggNog

So...you know how once Halloween rolls around and you start to see things up for Thanksgiving and Christmas in the Hallmark stores and in window displays? You just know the holidays are right around the corner...most of y'all start to think about gifts & Christmas cards, etc...I start to think that it won't be long before I get to buy EggNog! I have loved it all my life and I don't know if it's just the taste that I love or just the sheer fact that I feel like I can only have it for a couple of months throughout the year...so I had better get some at first sight in the store! I had to drag myself to Costco yesterday (I literally hate going there and I wine and complain the few days before and then pat myself on the back for the next few days after I go!) and I actually gasped with delight when I saw that they had a huge, gallon size of Eggnog! Yes, I bought it...I know I will throw at least half of it away because Shea hates the stuff, but I figured it was worth the price and much cheaper than buying it at the market. I do have to add milk to it or it's like drinking heavy whipping cream (especially since I drink non-fat milk), but oh how I do love it! My first cat, Jellybean, used to love it as well as Red licorice and beer- (not that I ever drank beer, but Rob did) Anyway, as some of you go home tonight and have a glass of wine (Mel) or have a cocktail...I'll be having my little glass of Eggnog! Am I just plain easy, or what?

Chapel

On my way to work last Wednesday, I got a call from Shea's principal. She asked me if I would be interested in doing Chapel. I did two last year and I truly enjoyed the experience. As much as I don't love speaking in front of adults...the kids are just awesome listeners! I can be fun and silly and they just love me for it! Also, the kids are so much more open to ideas than most adults. The chapels that I did last year took me months of preparation- I did a power-point presentation and shared photos of my burn victim kids- really hitting home at how important I feel it is to love people that may be different from you & I. I also stressed the importance of how careful we should choose the words that come out of our mouths, because once they come out...you can never take them back- yes, you can apologize- but you can't ever put them back in. At my second chapel, I even brought my scrubs and got fully dressed so they could see how funny I look! Funny thing is, the kids really got my message. Last year, the problem that arose was that the DVD that I brought to show didn't work(Tarzan- where Tarzan & his ape mom talk about why he is so different and then the song, "You'll Be In My Heart" comes on- love it!) ...which was God's way of getting me to do another one...which I did! Anyway, Stephanie, said that their speaker cancelled for this past Friday! Of course being the "organized planner" that I am- my first response was to tell her, "Oh, no I am not ready or prepared." Then I remembered how I am trying to be more spontaneous when it comes to doing things that I truly love to do. I am trying to be a bit more daring and go for things...so all of a sudden, I heard the words, "OK, I'll do it" come out of my mouth- before I knew what hit me! So as I was driving into work, my mind was reeling with so many ideas. I prayed and everything just came so easily to me...without the months & months of planning that I once thought was necessary. My lesson was simple, yet very sweet and moving. I spoke alot about my friends in my life- I took a boquet of white roses and one red rose. I took the red rose and showed it to them explaining that it is unique, special and beautiful on it's own however, one by one, I picked up a white rose and told them a name of one of my best friends, adding it to my red rose. In the end, I had this gorgeous boquet and made the point that : all alone, God made us each special but when we allow our friends and loved ones in our lives, we become even more incredible than we can even imagine. I also have a "blessings" jar in my bedroom where each day I write something that I was happy or thankful for on that given day. I have done it for years and it always encourages me on those days when I feel sad or have a bad day. I encouraged the kids to make a jar of their own and they had a blast as I called several up and they got to pick one out and I shared what it said. I had a blast with one of my best friends, Amy, where we just played off each other and make a few very good points about what friendship is all about. My last part was sharing my favorite sign that hangs above my dresser in my bedroom- it reads:
"Do Something Every Day That You Love"
I explained that if I had to pick a motto for my life...that would definitely be it! Each and every day, I do something that I love to do! It is always easy for me to find something, whether it is to call someone and say "Hi & I love you" or take my mom peanut brittle or just hug someone special! The sky's the limit and I take full advantage of all of the opportunities that God gives us to make ourselves happy! Just wanted to share my Chapel experience with you...I can't wait to do my next one! School has already invited me to come back! I have decided that spontaneity is so exciting and so full of wonderful surprises!

There are no rules. Just follow your heart.

Robin Williams

I just love this quote...it is so me!!! I am finding more and more as I get older that I hate being confined or being told what to do...by anyone. Not that I don't follow directions because I do...and I am not a great leader, but rather an awesome follower! I also like the fact that I am a "fly by the seat of my pants" kind of girl- there is so much to be said about being spontaneous and not planning my every move! I love to follow my heart...even if my direction is sometimes off...I'd rather follow my heart than lead with my brain!

See's Candies

Ok, so...you can call me simplistic and easily amused but I thought this was weird- nothing like my previous post about "Ava" but I swear, I think God has fun messing with me! For the last few years, I do these cute cards for Halloween for the staff at school and I attach a cute candy, etc... This year since I'm not working there, I decided that I wouldn't do them but there are two teachers, Margaret (Shea's 6th grade teacher this year) & Jan who have always loved them...so I decided to make them as a surprise so that they could give them to the kids. I went into See's Candies to buy the orange & black sugar sticks to go with the cards and they always give a sample of candy as you are standing there. In all the years that I have shopped there, never and I mean never have I ever been given a sample that I like, usually it is something gross with yucky nuts or a weird filling. In fact, I usually just leave it on the counter and don't even eat it. It may have just been my lucky day, but the lady who was helping me was so sweet and she said to me, "Hmmmmm...you look like an orange cream girl"- Couldn't believe it!!!!!!!!!!!! Chocolate orange cream are my absolute favorite ones that they make! My mouth dropped open and I told her that they were my favorites! She explained that she had just unpacked them and ate one for the first time and loved it! Anyway, I love little things that make your day really fun! I don't think I have ever enjoyed a piece of candy more in my life!

Ava

Did you ever have a day where something happens and for a moment you are just floored?
I went in to see Dr. Felt (the physician who I worked with for 15 years) today to discuss a few things that I needed his advice on. I got to his building early so I made my rounds and said hi to a few of the offices & Dr.'s- It always just floods me with so many happy memories! I spent so much time at Dr. Felt's office and the Grossman Burn Center and I made some really dear friends. I am still blessed to continue to love many of our special patients and volunteer quite often. Before I went into my appointment, I went and used the restroom. This next part may sound weird...my immediate thoughts went back to when I was pregnant with Shea. I used to have to go potty so often that Dr. Felt & Gloria would actually time me and I swear I could get in & out...sometimes under 40 seconds! (Yes, including using the toilet seat cover & washing my hands with soap & water) It became a game of sorts...at my expense! (I was also reminded of the time when I was ready to deliver Shea and I answered the phone:"Dr. Felt's office, can you hold me?" instead of "Can you hold, please?" Missy, Diane & I almost peed our pants right there! Of course, it had to be a Surgeon that called and not just a patient...and to this day, he still comes up to me and says, "Can I hold you?") Today when I went in there, it brought me back to memories of my good friend, Ava. She was the phlebotomist (blood sucker) upstairs for years and she drew my blood to find out if I was indeed pregnant. Usually, it would take a day to get the results back but instead she surprised me and ran it...STAT. She came in and handed me the report and said, "Hi Mommy!" It was such a wonderful experience and something I have never forgotten. Through the years, even after Ava left the lab, Shea & I would still go out and see her in Arroyo Grande. Ava passed away from Cancer a year ago almost to the day. She was such a caring & loving friend and I was blessed to see her and spend time with her just a few days before she passed away. This story has a point...I'm getting there.
After I left the Dr.'s office, I decided to go to the bank since I was so close. There was quite a line, but in front of me was this mom with her darling baby. The little girl was about 4 months old and just full of smiles...I would talk to her and she would just coo and make all kinds of cute, little sounds! She was just the sweetest little angel! It took quite awhile before it was finally the mom's turn to go up and I just happened to ask what the baby's name was..........I couldn't frickin' believe it...AVA! C'mon what are the chances? It is not a popular name like Hailey, Emily or Amanda, etc...when have you heard of a baby named Ava? I swear my mouth just dropped open! I always say that there are no coincidences in life- God is such a wonder, huh?

COURAGE- Noun

1.) Intrepidity (fearless, bold, daring) 2.) dauntlessness 3.) hardihood

COURAGEOUS- Adjective

1.) bold 2.) brave 3.) heroic 4.) fearless

This is the art of courage: to see things as they are and still believe that the victory lies not with those who avoid the bad, but those who taste, in living awareness, every drop of the good.
Victoria Lincoln

LOVE - Noun

1.) an intense feeling of tender affection and compassion 2.) somebody who is loved romantically 3.) strong liking for or pleasure gained from something 4.) something that elicits deep interest and enthusiasm in somebody


I like not only to be loved, but to be told that I am loved.
George Eliot

Love is an irresistable desire to be irresistably desired.
Robert Frost

Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other while against the sky.
Rainer Maria Rilke

It is difficult to know at what moment love begins, it is less difficult to know that it has begun.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Love is the flower you've got to let grow.
John Lennon

While I was driving today, I saw two things that made me laugh out loud:

A bumper sticker that read:

"Beauty is in the eye of the Beer Holder"


Also, you know how your car sometimes gets so filthy and you see where people write with their fingers, "Wash Me", etc? Today I saw written on a car:

"I wish my wife was this dirty"

Maybe my humor is sick...but I thought they were both pretty darn funny!

God determines who walks into your life...it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.

One of my favorite songs was written by Matthew West for his wife and then re-done by one of my favorite groups, Rascal Flatts:

The Day Before You

I had all but given up
On finding the one that I could fall into
On the day before you
I was ready to settle for
Less than love and not much more
There was no such thing as a dream come true
Oh, but that was on the day before you

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
I will never have to go back to
The day before you

In your eyes I see forever
And it makes me wish that my life never knew
The day before you
Oh, but heaven knows those years without you
Were shaping my heart for the day that I found you
And if you're the reason for all that I've been through
Then I'm thankful for the day before you

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
I will never have to go back
To the day before you

The day before you
Was the last day that I ever lived alone
And I'm never going back
I'm never going back

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
I will never have to go back to
The day before you


In everyone's life, at sometime, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.

Albert Schweitzer